Driving home today I feel exhausted. Not exhausted from physical exertion, but from mental, emotional and spiritual exertion. This kind of energy drain strikes me as far more draining, since it seems to stay even when I cross the threshold of my home--my sanctuary. I often turn to music, walks in the "big green", laughter at my little westies or verbally wearing out my very kind partner. Conversations with God continue through telepathy and ongoing communication that originate in the soul. These soul words and soul communications have been with me since I was very young. I am engaged all the time consciously and subconsciously in "soul talk." It could be called prayer or meditation, but those words are too "fixed" to describe this phenomena. Maybe, it is the "still small voice", that Elijah experienced--it just is.
I knew when the full moon was out, all pale and butterscotch that this was going to be a trying weekend. Over and again I encounter folks who are afflicted with broken spirits. Often from Calvinist theologies, feeling like they have disappointed their families, no longer part of the elect they simply lose their fight and give up. Since 1988, I have offered a pastoral hand to gay and lesbian people, some sick with cancers, and viruses. Others have complications from mental grief over the slow eroding spiritual labor of always having to exonerate one's existence. So many of my brothers and sisters are engaged in a slow suicide or are full head onto a death wish. Slow suicide comes from self-medication with various substances, death wish from merely living life with no self-respect. Consequently having no respect for anyone else either. Other deadly gods take control when spirits are broken.
I struggle with self-worth and esteem like many I reach out to pastorally. How could I not when obviously I am neither part of the evangelical scheme of the conformist elect nor a world view that believes "there's a reason for everything." Human being after human being, in the Bible belt, listening to "I must have deserved this", or "God is paying me back for ________." Graceless lives, feeling like great big disappointments or who experience being politely tolerated at family gatherings. I don't exactly feel like that, since I am surrounded by a very loving family. But I understand where my broken queer siblings are coming from. Intellectually, I know God loves me, on a day-to-day basis I am weary with being a gay rights activist. I am an activist because I am willing to say that I am gay to anyone who asks. What is wearying is the self-exoneration work, which seems to be required in this culture. It never stops. Largely, in the glbt community I have to give excuse for my open Christian faith, in the Christian community I have to justify my existence. Then what really wears me out is the shocking presence of gay fundamentalists. People who at some level have rationalized their sexuality, yet continue to hold to a compartmentalized faith rooted in biblical fundamentalism. They would still be at home in a Southern Baptist Church or The Church of Christ if you never knew they had a same sex partner or had same-gender-loving proclivities. If they can hold onto this feeling they are part of the elect, the privileged, then I guess they can manage. Their spirits break when they realize their religious system of conformity doesn't include them.
I guess that is why I am feeling extraordinarily weary. This battle is not with the hate mongers out there, it is with the hate mongers inside our own people. Late nights coaxing away an attempted suicide whose words were laced with "God is punishing me." To a broken spirit whose life is flooded with despair, thus a death wish has ensued. A partner who remains in an abusive relationship because, "I guess this is what I deserve." My soul talk picked up loudly when I got home this evening, walking my westies in the big green, it sounded like Jesus saying over and over again, " ...AS YOURSELF."
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Christian Socialist
I had to blog again, it is just pouring out of me and I have to get it out. It may sound disjointed--but, what's a blog for?
I turned several shades of red today , not from embarrassment, but sheer dumbfoundedness. I attribute my emotion from listening to people who are not integrated human beings, still live with the unexamined cliches of the past and haven't grown past their own upbringing.
Speaking to gay and lesbian people around here, I struggle to keep my mouth from dropping open and not sucking in a bunch a flies from their apparent s--t. I for one, politically speaking am not completely sure of the Obama Health Care Plan. I am still waiting for a full explanation--but not from Fox News.
What I do know is that industrialized nations who are materially wealthy on this earth, all guarantee health care for their citizens. Even some smaller nations like the Bahamas or Cuba do so. When it comes to caring for our citizens the good ol' USA has some work to do. I figured this out when I visited Israel back in 1999, they had civil rights for glbt people--Israel! I then learned that the USA is not the only or the greatest champion of human rights, justice and liberty for all. Thus a dent was placed in the red, white and blue patriotism of my earlier years. Our old slogans and claims to liberty were a bit stale, hadn't changed much since the Bill of Rights in 1791.
So here is the question: The USA prides itself in being the country with such rights as the , freedom of Speech, freedom to worship as one wishes, freedom to bear arms, freedom to assemble, to name a couple of the original 10. These are great rights when you are reacting to a monarchy or dictator. But what about the rights I see in other nations of comparable or less than comparable stature to the U.S. such as, a right to education, a right to shelter, a right to health care, a right to marry whom you wish (consenting adults of course)? Unthinkingly, I heard somebody today who is not guaranteed even the basic rights in the US say they are against a national health care plan because it is SOCIALISM!
I am not going to get into the whole health care for the rich and insured argument. What I am going to get into is; so what about your brother/sister who has no insurance? Are we a compassionate society or is compassion something you have to buy a plan for also? Do you care about anybody but yourself? Read in the Bible, Acts 2: 42-47. Early Christian communities were communist! Do US citizens have a right to health care, education, and marriage? Or is that a privilege borne of what is in your banking account? We are a nation that caters to the privilege of the wealthy. Sounds to me like we have created the very classist society we fought in the revolution. Call me a Christian Socialist, ain't one thing wrong with that.
I turned several shades of red today , not from embarrassment, but sheer dumbfoundedness. I attribute my emotion from listening to people who are not integrated human beings, still live with the unexamined cliches of the past and haven't grown past their own upbringing.
Speaking to gay and lesbian people around here, I struggle to keep my mouth from dropping open and not sucking in a bunch a flies from their apparent s--t. I for one, politically speaking am not completely sure of the Obama Health Care Plan. I am still waiting for a full explanation--but not from Fox News.
What I do know is that industrialized nations who are materially wealthy on this earth, all guarantee health care for their citizens. Even some smaller nations like the Bahamas or Cuba do so. When it comes to caring for our citizens the good ol' USA has some work to do. I figured this out when I visited Israel back in 1999, they had civil rights for glbt people--Israel! I then learned that the USA is not the only or the greatest champion of human rights, justice and liberty for all. Thus a dent was placed in the red, white and blue patriotism of my earlier years. Our old slogans and claims to liberty were a bit stale, hadn't changed much since the Bill of Rights in 1791.
So here is the question: The USA prides itself in being the country with such rights as the , freedom of Speech, freedom to worship as one wishes, freedom to bear arms, freedom to assemble, to name a couple of the original 10. These are great rights when you are reacting to a monarchy or dictator. But what about the rights I see in other nations of comparable or less than comparable stature to the U.S. such as, a right to education, a right to shelter, a right to health care, a right to marry whom you wish (consenting adults of course)? Unthinkingly, I heard somebody today who is not guaranteed even the basic rights in the US say they are against a national health care plan because it is SOCIALISM!
I am not going to get into the whole health care for the rich and insured argument. What I am going to get into is; so what about your brother/sister who has no insurance? Are we a compassionate society or is compassion something you have to buy a plan for also? Do you care about anybody but yourself? Read in the Bible, Acts 2: 42-47. Early Christian communities were communist! Do US citizens have a right to health care, education, and marriage? Or is that a privilege borne of what is in your banking account? We are a nation that caters to the privilege of the wealthy. Sounds to me like we have created the very classist society we fought in the revolution. Call me a Christian Socialist, ain't one thing wrong with that.
Why We Study King David
It is hard to believe that summer is almost over! Schools are starting back for the 2009-10 academic year, vacationers are returning home and we are buckling down for another round. I have been hearing great feedback about the King David series. As people who are part of the Judeao-Christian tradition it is important to know biblical figures and the stories that come with them. King David is a "must know" since he is the ancestor to Jesus Christ and part of God's covenant history with humankind. Someone asked, Why are you preaching and teaching about David, why is it important for us to know? First and foremost we must grasp that we are loved, claimed and "saved" by God through FAITH (Ephesians 2:8-9). In other words, you can not be or do enough good to earn God's favor. So why not accept God's love and live gratefully? King David, like Abraham and Sarah before him, (Galatians 3:5-6) were considered holy because of their belief (relationship) with God. For many who enter through our doors at Holy Trinity they come believing that they have fallen from God's love and grace due to their sexuality, things they have done in the past, the shame they feel about who they are, or simply just being human! What we learn is that God is merciful and sees us with eyes of love (1 Samuel 16:7, Proverbs 23:7, Hebrews 4:12, Romans 8:38-39). King David, his relationships and his spirituality have so much to say to us!
Secondly, the reason I think King David's story is so important for us to know is that he speaks to so many ills we face. How many of us have poor self esteem? How many of us have dealt with poor body images? How many of us live compartmentalized lives that are not fully integrated into our faith? How many of us are still ashamed of our sexuality and think sex is dirty? And what about the dysfunctional relationship issues we keep repeating? And like last Sunday, how many of us understand the theologian, Henry Nouwen's statement, Forgiveness is another name for love for people who love poorly? King David's life mirrors ours in so many ways. King David also is a child of God who stumbled through his relationship with God, just as we do. He has much to say to us! And think of it, we have not even begun to touch all his Psalms which are conversations, chants, hymns and songs to his number one lover, God!
Secondly, the reason I think King David's story is so important for us to know is that he speaks to so many ills we face. How many of us have poor self esteem? How many of us have dealt with poor body images? How many of us live compartmentalized lives that are not fully integrated into our faith? How many of us are still ashamed of our sexuality and think sex is dirty? And what about the dysfunctional relationship issues we keep repeating? And like last Sunday, how many of us understand the theologian, Henry Nouwen's statement, Forgiveness is another name for love for people who love poorly? King David's life mirrors ours in so many ways. King David also is a child of God who stumbled through his relationship with God, just as we do. He has much to say to us! And think of it, we have not even begun to touch all his Psalms which are conversations, chants, hymns and songs to his number one lover, God!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
