Resignation

Well, it is true. I am throwing in the towel with Holy Trinity after nearly 15 years of an extraordinary pastorate. I know some are asking, "what precipitated this?" or "what caused this?" Everybody wants to find a reason or a blame to make sense of "such shocking news." Nothing is wrong, nothing is bad, it is simply time to move on. In as much as one is called to something, I believe one can be called away from something. We share a faith of hope and resurrection. I firmly believe that God is still speaking and acting in our lives and in our worlds and in the world. Change is a constant, just as each season evolves through solstices and equinoxes. As the sunset comes on this day, we hope for the sunrise of tomorrow.

God is incarnational. Through our relationships with creation, human and otherwise. I think we get a hint of God's revelation to us in the here and now. Through the human medium of existence I see God's presence most often. At Holy Trinity, a pastorate does not solely consist of preaching, hospital visits and teaching Bible classes. A pastor at Holy Trinity is an advocate, an activist, a chaplain, a politician, a confidant, an ombudsman, an ambassador, a musician, a prophet, a tour guide, a nurse, a counselor, an administrator, a defender, a coordinator, a cheerleader, a saint and a heretic. No minister could ask for a more exhilarating, joyous, challenging, perplexing, heartbreaking, bless-ed, innovative, and grace-filled balancing act like Holy Trinity United Church of Christ of Memphis. We have been on quite a journey together. In our collusion as the Holy Trinity community, God is very present.

The divine messages these days have been "Tim, it is time to go and get out of the way. You must let go of Holy Trinity. I have something else for you to do. Trust me." Holy Trinity is a top-notch church that has a wondrous future. This is no time for Holy Trinity to rest on its laurels and grow complacent. A new day is coming for all of us and we must walk into the future God has for us, come what may.

I hate long drawn-out departures. I am like my grandmother who, when she said good-bye would say it, give a quick hug and into the house she would run. So my season at Holy Trinity is down to a few weeks. The vestry has called the St. Louis Association office for guidance and support, a plan for interim ministry will begin shortly and an exhaustive search and call process will commence to locate the next great pastor of Holy Trinity United Church of Christ.

And let me lay one last thing to rest, a response to something that I heard. "Tim is leaving because he does not love us anymore." Holy Trinity is a fantastic church, which struggles with esteem issues from time-to-time. I suppose when you are an exhilic community, you kind of get tired of justifying your existence--that is understood. Let me be very clear: I love and care about Holy Trinity deeply. I have given 15 years of my life to this community. My family has grown-up here; my children claim this as their church; my partner has stood along with me and with HTUCC; we have loved this church with every part of our lives. The most loving thing we can do now, is let go of Holy Trinity and trust God's new creation. We will always cherish these precious days at Holy Trinity.

With much love and peace,
Pastor Tim

warm hearted and cold hearted

I have a confession to make. I'm a "sin sorter" or as some might say, cafeteria christian. I guess this confession comes from my experience, which by the way informs my faith and beliefs far more than I should admit. I mean, quite frankly, who really can be totally objective when it comes to one's own truth? After this past Sunday's sermon (Mark 10:2-16) dealing with adultery and the recent drama surrounding David Letterman this propensity to sorting sins has come to the fore. I have to tell you, when it comes to sins, I much prefer and am far more gracious with warm hearted sins. My most ferocious ire is usually dredged up over cold hearted sins--those sins that result from a hardened heart. I heard one Methodist preacher say that Jesus seemed to find plenty of room for grace with hot blooded sins like lust, adultery, prostitution, fornication, too much partying, expensive perfumes, and jealous partners and friends. In other words derelictions of the heart made on the way to community and relationship Jesus seemed to seek understanding. What Jesus generally showed anger toward was self-righteousness, judgemental attitudes, privilege and power over others, and disregard for the sacred worth of creation. When those hard-hearted circumstances presented themselves Jesus too, was tried on his ability to forgive. I think that is why I could understand Bill Clinton and despise Ken Starr; Defend Martha Stewart and mistrust the "good ol' boys club"; seek leniency for those in foreclosure and condemn greedy Wall Street financiers; roll my eyes at David Letterman and spit on accused extortionist Robert Joel Halderman. Intellectually, I know sin is sin, that thing which separates us from God, from self, from one another and keeps us deceived in compartmentalized realities. God knows, I need to be forgiven and I need to forgive myself. I also must keep learning how to forgive others, too! But, geeesh it is hard not to become hardhearted and draw my circle a little smaller with all my favorite sins.

TMM

At The UCC Church House

In case you haven't noticed, the faith, spirituality, Church is in tremendous flux again. As Phyllis Tickle says, "every 500 years it seems the Church has a big rummage sale to see what to keep and what to get rid of." I just returned from a fascinating weekend at the UCC Church House in Cleveland, Ohio. Where the conversation was rampant, from the proclamations of the "Still Speaking God" to the Lutheran-UCC pastor sharing about bar room conversations about faith. While there I discovered the UCC is releasing a new song book with exciting new tunes from our present confusion amid re-worked standards. I was very proud of our UCC which has taken tremendous risks to be relevant and to seek a way in the wilderness of this post-reformation, post-modern, post-denominational world. I saw a church that was risking it's own life out of the conviction that God is doing something new. Unlike many churches these days, institutional preservation seems a foregone un-conclusion for the UCC. It is absolutely refreshing to experience a corporate church not acting like an institution based on power, wealth, and self preservation.

In one of the worship services that took place in the Armistad Chapel at UCC Church House we each were asked what we left when we came to the UCC. I immediately answered "isolation and a false sense of independence." Then asked what we gained, I responded, "A family that is willing to wrestle with the truth of who each of us is and can be." In recent weeks we have seen vandalism in Memphis upon the remarkable bill boards proclaiming our truth, our experience and our freedom. Justice comes with a price and the truth of God still speaking in you and me can not be halted by hatred and fear. So as we step further into the morrow of this social-religious flux, we know that God goes before us. Once again as we sing, "Behold, I make all things new" we can say we see it happening in our own time. The strength of our community and our willingness to speak our truth will buoy us through these stormy trials.

Broken Spirits and Full Moons

Driving home today I feel exhausted. Not exhausted from physical exertion, but from mental, emotional and spiritual exertion. This kind of energy drain strikes me as far more draining, since it seems to stay even when I cross the threshold of my home--my sanctuary. I often turn to music, walks in the "big green", laughter at my little westies or verbally wearing out my very kind partner. Conversations with God continue through telepathy and ongoing communication that originate in the soul. These soul words and soul communications have been with me since I was very young. I am engaged all the time consciously and subconsciously in "soul talk." It could be called prayer or meditation, but those words are too "fixed" to describe this phenomena. Maybe, it is the "still small voice", that Elijah experienced--it just is.

I knew when the full moon was out, all pale and butterscotch that this was going to be a trying weekend. Over and again I encounter folks who are afflicted with broken spirits. Often from Calvinist theologies, feeling like they have disappointed their families, no longer part of the elect they simply lose their fight and give up. Since 1988, I have offered a pastoral hand to gay and lesbian people, some sick with cancers, and viruses. Others have complications from mental grief over the slow eroding spiritual labor of always having to exonerate one's existence. So many of my brothers and sisters are engaged in a slow suicide or are full head onto a death wish. Slow suicide comes from self-medication with various substances, death wish from merely living life with no self-respect. Consequently having no respect for anyone else either. Other deadly gods take control when spirits are broken.

I struggle with self-worth and esteem like many I reach out to pastorally. How could I not when obviously I am neither part of the evangelical scheme of the conformist elect nor a world view that believes "there's a reason for everything." Human being after human being, in the Bible belt, listening to "I must have deserved this", or "God is paying me back for ________." Graceless lives, feeling like great big disappointments or who experience being politely tolerated at family gatherings. I don't exactly feel like that, since I am surrounded by a very loving family. But I understand where my broken queer siblings are coming from. Intellectually, I know God loves me, on a day-to-day basis I am weary with being a gay rights activist. I am an activist because I am willing to say that I am gay to anyone who asks. What is wearying is the self-exoneration work, which seems to be required in this culture. It never stops. Largely, in the glbt community I have to give excuse for my open Christian faith, in the Christian community I have to justify my existence. Then what really wears me out is the shocking presence of gay fundamentalists. People who at some level have rationalized their sexuality, yet continue to hold to a compartmentalized faith rooted in biblical fundamentalism. They would still be at home in a Southern Baptist Church or The Church of Christ if you never knew they had a same sex partner or had same-gender-loving proclivities. If they can hold onto this feeling they are part of the elect, the privileged, then I guess they can manage. Their spirits break when they realize their religious system of conformity doesn't include them.

I guess that is why I am feeling extraordinarily weary. This battle is not with the hate mongers out there, it is with the hate mongers inside our own people. Late nights coaxing away an attempted suicide whose words were laced with "God is punishing me." To a broken spirit whose life is flooded with despair, thus a death wish has ensued. A partner who remains in an abusive relationship because, "I guess this is what I deserve." My soul talk picked up loudly when I got home this evening, walking my westies in the big green, it sounded like Jesus saying over and over again, " ...AS YOURSELF."

Christian Socialist

I had to blog again, it is just pouring out of me and I have to get it out. It may sound disjointed--but, what's a blog for?

I turned several shades of red today , not from embarrassment, but sheer dumbfoundedness. I attribute my emotion from listening to people who are not integrated human beings, still live with the unexamined cliches of the past and haven't grown past their own upbringing.

Speaking to gay and lesbian people around here, I struggle to keep my mouth from dropping open and not sucking in a bunch a flies from their apparent s--t. I for one, politically speaking am not completely sure of the Obama Health Care Plan. I am still waiting for a full explanation--but not from Fox News.

What I do know is that industrialized nations who are materially wealthy on this earth, all guarantee health care for their citizens. Even some smaller nations like the Bahamas or Cuba do so. When it comes to caring for our citizens the good ol' USA has some work to do. I figured this out when I visited Israel back in 1999, they had civil rights for glbt people--Israel! I then learned that the USA is not the only or the greatest champion of human rights, justice and liberty for all. Thus a dent was placed in the red, white and blue patriotism of my earlier years. Our old slogans and claims to liberty were a bit stale, hadn't changed much since the Bill of Rights in 1791.

So here is the question: The USA prides itself in being the country with such rights as the , freedom of Speech, freedom to worship as one wishes, freedom to bear arms, freedom to assemble, to name a couple of the original 10. These are great rights when you are reacting to a monarchy or dictator. But what about the rights I see in other nations of comparable or less than comparable stature to the U.S. such as, a right to education, a right to shelter, a right to health care, a right to marry whom you wish (consenting adults of course)? Unthinkingly, I heard somebody today who is not guaranteed even the basic rights in the US say they are against a national health care plan because it is SOCIALISM!

I am not going to get into the whole health care for the rich and insured argument. What I am going to get into is; so what about your brother/sister who has no insurance? Are we a compassionate society or is compassion something you have to buy a plan for also? Do you care about anybody but yourself? Read in the Bible, Acts 2: 42-47. Early Christian communities were communist! Do US citizens have a right to health care, education, and marriage? Or is that a privilege borne of what is in your banking account? We are a nation that caters to the privilege of the wealthy. Sounds to me like we have created the very classist society we fought in the revolution. Call me a Christian Socialist, ain't one thing wrong with that.

Why We Study King David

It is hard to believe that summer is almost over! Schools are starting back for the 2009-10 academic year, vacationers are returning home and we are buckling down for another round. I have been hearing great feedback about the King David series. As people who are part of the Judeao-Christian tradition it is important to know biblical figures and the stories that come with them. King David is a "must know" since he is the ancestor to Jesus Christ and part of God's covenant history with humankind. Someone asked, Why are you preaching and teaching about David, why is it important for us to know? First and foremost we must grasp that we are loved, claimed and "saved" by God through FAITH (Ephesians 2:8-9). In other words, you can not be or do enough good to earn God's favor. So why not accept God's love and live gratefully? King David, like Abraham and Sarah before him, (Galatians 3:5-6) were considered holy because of their belief (relationship) with God. For many who enter through our doors at Holy Trinity they come believing that they have fallen from God's love and grace due to their sexuality, things they have done in the past, the shame they feel about who they are, or simply just being human! What we learn is that God is merciful and sees us with eyes of love (1 Samuel 16:7, Proverbs 23:7, Hebrews 4:12, Romans 8:38-39). King David, his relationships and his spirituality have so much to say to us!

Secondly, the reason I think King David's story is so important for us to know is that he speaks to so many ills we face. How many of us have poor self esteem? How many of us have dealt with poor body images? How many of us live compartmentalized lives that are not fully integrated into our faith? How many of us are still ashamed of our sexuality and think sex is dirty? And what about the dysfunctional relationship issues we keep repeating? And like last Sunday, how many of us understand the theologian, Henry Nouwen's statement, Forgiveness is another name for love for people who love poorly? King David's life mirrors ours in so many ways. King David also is a child of God who stumbled through his relationship with God, just as we do. He has much to say to us! And think of it, we have not even begun to touch all his Psalms which are conversations, chants, hymns and songs to his number one lover, God!

My Iowa Heart

Every June it seems that the political heat warms up about as fast as the summer heat here in Memphis. I am delighted to say on June 1st, Shelby County passed a watered down version of the Non-Discrimination Ordinance first imagined by leaders of our GLBT community. For now the resolution reads, no one can be discriminated against as a Shelby County employee based on anything other than merit. It is a giant step for a Tennessee County, and a small step for the glbt community. Naturally, the failure to oust California's proposition 8 prohibiting same-sex marriage; and then the victory over equal marriage rights now given to all people in Iowa, has brought these hot button issues to the front page again. While I sat with a member of our church in the final hearing of the Shelby County NDO, she shared with me her plans for celebrating her union with her long-time partner of nearly 17 years. This year, for their anniversary they are going to Iowa to get married. I thought, Iowa?! God, you gotta' love Iowa, who would have thought those fair minded hawkeyes would ever have gone for that? But, when I began to reflect more on the Iowans, I know, even my cousins who live in Iowa, I thought about how civil and good people they are. Iowa has rememebered the American ideal of "e pluribus unum"--"though many we are one." Yet over this past month as I listened to the public discourse for or against a non discrimination ordinance in Shelby County, I was astounded at the level of ignorance and hatred amongst my neighbors. They qualified their arguments mainly on religious grounds.

It is the same tired ol' arguments that have been used for centuries to deny people equal rights in the "public square". These defenders of the status quo, often citing biblical passages, religious hearsay, outrageous fears fueled by clergy, ultimately fail to grasp the basic concept of "separation of church and state." An outspoken majority seek to keep people of color, women, Jews, whomever they wish to maintain privilege over by using religious arguments. People may say whatever they want in their living rooms, but I think there should be an expectation of civility within the pluralistic public sphere. We have lost what it means to have a public civility, and respect for a private sphere. As public and private continue to become muddled, the less bright among us cannot tell the difference between the two. Our failure to remember history condemns us to repeat it, I'm afraid. The very basics of the American tradition of separation of church and state have to be learned all over again. In my most humble opinion, the state needs to get out of the marrying business and the church [religion] needs to get out of the civil contract business. All unions between consenting adults (including hetero ones) should be civil unions for benefit of the pluralistic public square and marriages, covenants, holy unions, sacred trysts--whatever you want to call them can exist in the religious sphere. The religious folk can define these unions until they're blue in the face. It should be my option as a free man to have a civil union with my mutually consenting adult partner in the public square. And I do not have to go to the Roman Catholic/ Southern Baptist Church for it to be blessed or defined by their biblical/papal taliban judiciary. After awhile it gets to be absolute nonsense. In actual fact you can see that I do not support gay marriage either in the public square. Semantically speaking, I would love to see civil unions come to the forefront of the state's understanding of domestic unions. This issue is not merely a discussion of glbt rights, it is the last bastion of church/state cooperation in this country. On this issue, the founding forefather's were right on target. Let's call it what it is, marriage as defined by most states in the U.S. is nothing more than discrimination based on religion.

Now, for my sisters who are celebrating a big anniversary by finally being able to marry in the courthouse. I say, God grant you many years and God bless Iowa!